The Season of Giving

Expendable Christmas Toy

Is this what I am, or rather, what I am not?                                                        

For all I believed was real, but really, was I                                                        

nothing more than merely a mean to take                                                      

you through the                                                        

night?                                                        

Maybe it is just me. I believed all was real, but 

am I disposable, as with a cheap toy, or am I

no more, after you used 

your share, and utterly forgetting

our scintillations. For just a 

moment of thrill, you patronise me                                                              

with a kiss, laced with nothing more than                                                              

verisimilar passion, demeaning me with a                                                              

night laced with nothing more than                                                              

affection counterfeit.                                                             

A night filled with lies, lies that I believed

all to be real, yet all I said to 

you was nothing less than the truth.

I lost, for I was the first,

first to take it seriously, beyond my 

will, for believing all was real.

                                                              Foolish as I am, for I would willingly

                                                              Repeat history, all but for 

                                                              A night of lies I would willingly believe, for

                                                              No one is as foolish as I.

                                                              Denial! I wished that

                                                              All was real; that you would tell me

                                                              'Yes, I am true to you.'

- KT (2014)

Yesterday II

When all seemed like yesterday,

the emptiness still unfilled,

the void still lingering.

I don an armour, an

appearance of normality,

nurturing the void

reluctant to depart.

Just when all seemed like yesterday,

a feeling so unfamiliar,

reignited by your entry into my life.

Hope, now injected with the

strength of the thought of you.

The void hastily retreats,

only to be replaced by the

warmth of the thought of you.

An emotion too unfamiliar,

fueled by the thought of you,

in my mind a stubborn stranger so

unwilling to depart,

unable to be evicted.

Nights devoid of sleep, yet

Days energised by the thought of you.

Cold winds bitter, yet

Warmed by the thought of you.

Patient persona I exhibit, yet

Impatient for your return.

Calm exterior I display, yet

Nervous self I reveal before you.

An evening with you,

time escaping too rapidly.

before I even knew, before our

backs turned against one another,

parting into the cruel night.

The goodbye was so swift and so soon.

The remnant of night becoming a

night of torpor, a

night neverending.

Only now, I am back at where I

began, with nothing but your

subterfuge against me. I am

impelled to confront my self-denial.

Do you not hear my calls to you,

for they go unanswered,

left in neglect,

neglect as your soul petrifies and

rears against me.

All I would have hoped for is

none more than an answer to my

yearning for you.

Time, attesting once again,

memories obdurate,

sentiments remain untarnished.

Hope, only so ephemeral.

When all just seemed like yesterday,

but now I am where I was.

                                                                   Vying,

                                                                   I am here!

                                                                   Come, o come

                                                                   To me.

                                                                   Only you can

                                                                   Reach me, for

                                                                   I am too far

                                                                   Away.

- KT (2014)